Lesbians Sue Lesbians Over Use Of Title

Lesbians Ashamed To Use Word "Lesbian" Due To Homosexual Past

A group from the greek isle of Lesbos have petitioned the court in order to file suit against a homosexual women's group. The natives of the island have reportedly just heard that the word in question, "Lesbian", has become a common title for gay women.

Let us now recount the history of the island of Lesbos.

The third largest greek island located in the Aegean Sea, Lesbos was the home of the famous poet Sappho whose poems often spoke of deep affection and love for other women. Thusly, the name Lesbian, a term that the islanders use when referring to themselves, has come to be used by homosexual women worldwide. As for Sappho herself, not much needs to be said as the role she plays in this story is minimal and because women poets bore me.

The three natives of the island are suing the Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, an association advocating homosexual and lesbian rights in Greece, as is apparent. One plaintiff has noted that "the name insults the identity of the people of Lesbos". "Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos," states Dimitris Lambrou, one of the men filing suit. "My sister can't say she is a Lesbian."

"This is not an aggressive act against gay women," says Lambrou. "The word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades, but we have been Lesbians for thousands of years."

As another note, Lambrou publishes a magazine on ancient Greek religion that often criticizes the Christian church. Lambrou has also stated that Sappho was not gay and mothered a child with a wealthy aristocrat. After some brief studying, I have found that the aristocrat's name was Cercylas, a name which means "prick from the Isle of Man".

Are you still swayed by Lambrou's statement?

"Even if we assume she was, how can 250,000 people of Lesbian descent, including women, be considered homosexual?"

The answer to that question, Mr. Lambrou, is excruciatingly clear: You are Greek.

That is all.