For more of the MEDIOCRE and the MACABRE, subscribe and be AMAZED!

Karnas TickroBlog

Saturday, 19 April 2008

Crude Oil Prices Pump Ever Higher

New Oil Futures Fuck Us Raw From Behind

An attack on a key pipeline in Nigeria has forced crude oil futures to skyrocket, finally settling at an un-fucking-believable $117 per barrel. Gasoline futures have also reached record highs, proving once again that third-world countries cannot be trusted with that which drives the United States ever forward.

Crude oil futures have had a devastating effect on gasoline prices country-wide. This comes at the worst time due to the summer driving season's demand for retail gasoline generally bringing with it a staggering increase in price. Overnight, the national average surged 2.7 cents, bringing per gallon rate to a butt-fucking $3.46.

Economic analyst Phillip Gallagher had this to say of the steadily rising rates:

"We just can't fucking believe it. After the
initial invasion of Iraq in 2003, we thought gas prices couldn't get any higher. We are literally being taken out to a nice dinner then back to our place for a drunken sex-romp only to find in the morning that crude oil is nowhere to be found."

"It's like we're having our pants pulled down, bent over a table and fucked up the ass with no lubrication," said Gallagher.

As it appears, the ass-raping isn't going to end anytime in the near future.

That is all.

No comments: