TWYTTER IS YE OLDE FAYLE

"A tweet gets halfway around the world before the whale has a chance to get its fail on."
- Jacob Karnas

ONCE AGAIN FOR GOOD MEASURE: THE MT IRONSTAG SHOW

TONIGHT, I AM guesting as DR. MELVIN ROSENBLATT, PH.D. on...

THE MT IRONSTAG SHOW

I DETEST THE RADIO and most of what happens on it. Whenever I travel by automobile, I generally listen to a cd or music device. This hate does not extend to the MT Ironstag Show. Hosted by Murray (David Vick) and Flint Ironstag (Taylor Genovese), this radio program is not for the faint of heart. The MT Ironstag show is a mash-up between "local morning show" and Howard Stern; if Howard Stern was toned down to a two-and-a-half hour limit. Per week. And the FCC hadn't been notified (which they haven't).

With regular guests Manservant Jacoby (Jacob Brown), the hosts' Yugoslavian butler (who also has a strange affinity for cats: both the animal and the musical); Dr. Melvin Rosenblatt, Ph.D, a pediatric gynecologist (and also the Author's 'radio personality'), affectionately referred to as 'Dr. Jew'; as well as many, MANY others.

Although most of my Readers live elsewhere, it is still possible to listen to these grinning bastards of the airwaves. Simply visit: http://www.themtironstagshow.com for a live stream of the show Sunday nights at 7:30P-10:00P Pacific. That's 10:30P-1:00A Eastern. Again, that's 12:30A-3:00A in Sydney, Australia; 9:30A-12:00P in Thailand; and 8:00A-11:30A in India (for my two readers in Canada, two readers in Thailand, two readers in India, 5 readers in Australia and 132 readers in the United States that ARE NOT in Arizona).

Listen to them and be AMAZED. You'll feel better about yourself.

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New Airbus Likened To Titanic

Superjumbo Jet To Be Next Great Tragedy

In a shocking statement, officials for Emirates Airlines said Saturday that they would like to pay homage to the 1912 Titanic disaster. They reportedly plan on mirroring the tragedy on the maiden flight of the new Airbus A380 to New York on August 1.

The largest passenger jet in the world yet, it is said that "G-d himself could not down this plane".

Passengers include Michael Jackson, UAE billionaire Abdul Aziz Al Ghurair, and actor Crispin Glover. Emirates states they are "ready to lose such famed passengers as it will bring acclaim to [our] airline". One brash difference is that out of the 644 passengers scheduled to be on board, none will survive.

The pilots of the flight have been instructed to "bury the sucker" at or near the site of the 1912 sinking.

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Pope Benedict XVI To Speak About Sex Scandal And How To Accept It

Pope Condones "Kid Touching", Says It Makes G-d Happy

Pope Benedict arrived in Syndey, Australia for the Roman Catholic church's youth festival Saturday. Reportedly, he will rest for three days before joining the festivities of World Youth Day, partying in private with Archbishops, Cardinals and a consortium of altar boys from the festival between the ages of 6 and 13.

Benedict said about his role as leader of the largest church in the world, "...[We] have to give impulse to rediscovering our responsibility and to finding an [ethical] way to change our way of life."

"We have our responsibilities toward creation," he said. "We have to pork children to become closer to G-d. It makes Him happy."

Australia is the third stop-off on his "World Kid-Touching Tour", ending this year. This is also his longest visit, which the Vatican says will test the Pope's stamina.

Benedict is to be greeted at Sydney Harbor on Thursday by a group of Aborigines and other young people from the Pacific Basin. He will deliver what is expected to be an "important address". In 2001, Pope John Paul II issued a formal apology to the indigenous peoples of Australia, New Zealand and the Pacific islands for injustices perpetrated by Catholic missionaries.

Benedict plans to show how much he cares by raping their children.

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CAPTION CONTEST

I FOUND THIS photo of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and thought it was hilarious.


BUT: What is he thinking?

POST YOUR CAPTIONS.

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Iran Fires Missiles, Throws Fit

Iran Viewed As Threat, Wants To Make Sure World Notices

That asshole Mahmoud Ahmadinejad* is at it again.

In a most assholish move, much like that of North Korean "Dear Leader" Kim Jong Il, Iran has fired nine "test" missiles into the Persian Gulf. This comes only one month after Israel conducted a military drill in the Eastern Mediterranean. Both Israel and the United States have voiced concerns over the latest Iranian activities.

This is not unlike the February 2003 North Korean missile-launch that went down 60 km from the peninsula, however, it is viewed as more of a childish fit than North Korea's cry for attention. Iran, at this point, is much more like that weird kid in class that eats the glue and plays in the sandbox by himself.

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*Pronunciation: The easiest way to remember Iran's president's name, as Katie Couric has stated, is "I'm a dinner jacket". Of course, the actual pronunciation is Ahm-a-dinn-eh-jad.

For my mother (who is from Massachusetts and can't say "r"), this should suffice: "Arm a dinner jad".

President Bush "Makes Out" With Underage Japanese Girl

Bush Tongues Underage Girl At G8 Summit, Laura Approves

Over the weekend, President George W. Bush attended the G8 summit meeting and, when welcomed by a young girl, allegedly proceeded to "make out" with her as a "sign of friendship" to the Japanese people.

This folly coming late in his presidency, Bush stated, "...hey, [she] said she was 18". After his recent arrest in Germany by the self-proclaimed "World Police", Bush views this latest indiscretion as "just another misunderstanding".

"Those Japanese are weird," Bush told reporters before the summit. "After all the stuff I've seen on the interweb, I figured it was custom. She went in first, though; I just didn't want to leave her hangin'."

No charges have been filed.

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