On Arthur Conan Doyle

I am not going to say that I was the extreme basis for the character Sherlock Holmes, but I will say this: I was the basis for Sherlock Holmes.

While in my final year at the University of Edinburgh in 1880, I met a man by the name of Arthur Conan Doyle. He was an interesting man, fascinated with writing short stories with dreams of sailing a flying ship lifted by balloons across the Atlantic. I was quick to ridicule him for his Verne-ian thoughts and brought his attention to crime stories, stating that "if man were meant to fly, he would have been born with twin Pratt & Whitney J58 engines complete with afterburner and wings". I do not regret this.

During my free time at the university, I enjoyed playing the violin. I also had an incredible knack for being able to tell you bits of obscure information about yourself merely by seeing your clothing. I left the university after graduating in 1881. I met Doyle again in 1886 while traveling through Southsea in Portsmouth. I was in dire need of morphine and stopped into a small physicians office only to find that the physician was none other than Doyle!

He had been writing a short story entitled "A Tangled Skein". It was then that I learned that I was the basis for his main character, Sherlock Holmes. He told me that he had read Poe's "The Murders in the Rue Morgue" and had become quite fond of crime stories. This may be true, however the bastard always credited that hack Dr. Joseph Bell as his inspiration for Holmes. What a prick.

A great friendship grew from that day on. I accompanied Doyle to Brattleboro, Vermont in the United States in 1893. He was visiting his acquaintance Rudyard Kipling and proceeded to instruct him in the game of golf. It was a jolly good time, all except for the time when Kipling called Doyle a "filthy tea cozy", resulting in Arthur knocking him unconcsious during a bout of fisticuffs.

Doyle and I kept in close contact over the years until his death in 1930. In his will, he left me a pipe and magnifying glass, which I took to mean his quiet apology for the Bell/Holmes connection. In return, I added the unbelievably un-Victorian deerstalker hat to the character's appearance. See you in hell, Doyle.

[That is all]