Boat Capsizes Near Malaysia, Pirates Again Called Upon

Pirates Summoned To Search For Missing Capsized Boat Passengers

Bad weather is again to blame for the sinking of yet another boat, this time off the coast of Kuala Lumpur. Officials have released statements that all fourteen passengers were Indonesian and may have been attempting to enter Malaysia illegally.

Six passengers are missing, with six having drowned leaving only a 40-year-old man and 25-year-old woman surviving, officials say. The government has called in the Pirates to navigate the waters in search of the others.

This comes only days after the Pirates' expedition to find a capsized ferry in the Philippines. The ferry was capsized due to bad weather caused by Typhoon Fengshen, leaving more than 155 dead on the mainland and 740 missing at sea.

[That is all]

Typhoon Sinks Ferry, Pirates Called In For Help

Fengshen Devastates the Philippines, Pirates Called In

Our Pirate friends have been granted amnesty with another ferry sinking, this time in the Philippines at the hands of the typhoon Fengshen. Reports state that the typhoon capsized the ferry 'Princess of the Stars', leaving more than 740 passengers missing this morning.

At first glance, most would have been thinking: Pirates!

But no. Not this time.

Our heroes were called in by local governments after Fengshen left 155 dead and submerged entire communities. The Red Cross and and Coast Guard have stepped back to let the Pirates "do their thing".

It is believed that a giant air pocket could be keeping survivors trapped aboard the vessel alive. The Pirates have labelled this their first priority.

"They haven't seen anyone. They're scouring the area. They're studying the direction of the waves to determine where survivors may have drifted," coast guard spokesman Lt. Senior Grade Arman Balilo said.

Vice Admiral Philippe S. Gallagos of the Philippine Navy also stated, "They really know the seas and we are fortunate for their cooperation."

As a side note, Gene Hackman and Ernest Borgnine have been called in to aid in the search for survivors aboard the capsized vessel once it is found.

[That is all]

Ferry Capsizes, Pirates Possibly Involved

Ferry Sinks Near Haiti, Pirates Suspect

A ferry off the coast of Haiti capsized due to "overcrowding" Saturday night. Over 100 passengers were able to swim to safety as the boat sank. Eleven bodies were found, five of which were children.

The boat was reportedly on a two-day trip to Porte-au-Prince, transporting passengers, charcoal and food. According to U.N. peacekeeping spokesman David Wimhurst, the boat became "overcrowded" after several stops taking on passengers and cargo.

Nice try, U.N.

Several reports of an unidentified "ratty-looking" ship were filed last week by merchant vessels off the coast of Cuba. I take this to mean: Pirates.

The very pirates who were the scourge of the waters off the coast of Somalia last month have relocated to the West Indies or swarmed ALL SEAS. And if they haven't: I suggest they do.

We wait now in hopes that our newsmaking brigands come back into the spotlight.

[That is all]

French Hold Pirates For Yacht-Pillaging

Pirates Held In Paris Brig For Commandeering Luxury Yacht

Six men are being held in Paris courts for questioning regarding the hijacking the French luxury yacht "Le Ponant" off the coast of Somalia on 4 April. No charges have been filed as of yet, but officials say they will most likely be brought down by an overwhelming amount of "scalliwaginess".

The yachts crew of 30 were held hostage for a week. The pirate plot was foiled when French Navy vessels, surprisingly also luxury yachts, arrived in the area. The swashbucklers released 30 hostages and tried to escape, chased across the Somalian desert by French helicopter gunships in a dramatic attempt to abscond with their booty: the 2 million dollar ransom for release of the prisoners. One of the cars driven by the daring buccaneers was disabled and they then attempted to get away by foot but were apprehended shortly thereafter.

The French Navy held the scurvy dogs aboard the luxury warship "Lady Moura" until clearance was given to transport them to Paris.

It is unknown how many were involved in the hijacking and how many are still on the loose. The French Ministry of Foreign Affairs presumes that between 12 and 15 were present when the hostages were taken. Although the hostages were unharmed, an unidentified crew member noted that the captain attempted to hide the female members of the crew out of fear they might be raped.

That is all.