Last Week In Review

Royal Nudity Scandal, Ex-Refugee Celebrity Is A Red, Obama Vows To Destroy Economy

Princess Caught In The Buff, Given A Stern 'Talking To'

Princess Eugenie, daughter of Prince Andrew, Duke of York, and Sarah Ferguson and sixth in line to the British throne was given a very stern talking to and duly reprimanded by Marlborough College staff after being caught frolicking in the nude with female schoolmates. The 18-year-old was aprehended for involvment in what the school is calling "end of term high jinks". It was claimed that there was drinking.

"It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter," says royal spokesman Phillip Gallagher. "When you think of all the women Prince Charles buggered when he was off at Trinity College, this is but a minor indiscretion. Very minor, indeed."

The Princess was to attend the Queen's Birthday festivities until it was announced there would be an open bar.



Elian Gonzalez Turns Red

Now 14-years-old, Elian Gonzalez has joined the Cuba's Young Communist Union, stating that he will never let down ex-President Fidel Castro and his brother Raul Castro. He has in the past also stated that he views Fidel Castro not only as a friend, but as a father-figure.

This, however, is all according to the Communist youth newspaper Juventud Rebelde and is probably just Commie bunk. United States officials have opted to "just ignore the situation" much in the same way Eastern Europe did with Adolf Hitler, hoping it will all just go away.



Obama Plans To "Do United States In" With New Retirement Savings Idea

Democratic candidate Barack Obama has an idea: have the government pay for people's retirement.
With Social Security out of the way, Obama says that American's are doing a "lousy job saving for their Golden Years". Why not have the government step in and match up to $500 USD in retirement for families earning under $75,000 USD annually? According to analysts, the plan would help 78 million Americans but alsom cost the federal government $18.8 billion USD per year.

According to Obama-supporter and business professor at University of Virginia's Darden School of Business Ronald Wilcox, a 30-year-old worker contributing $1,000 USD per year with the matched $500 USD would, by age 65, have accumulated $145,000 USD, assuming a 5% average return after inflation- at the cost of $658 BILLION USD +.

[That is all]