On France

Let me just say this: I despise France.

ALL of it.

Almost as much as I despise Ireland. I will detail that later. To great length.

As for France, the reasons for my hate are as follows:

1. The language is condescending. Not so much the people (cretins) who use it, but the entire tone in which it is spoken is of such that the listener feels stupider with every word. This is mainly due to the fact that each word is elongated and sounds much like a camel urinating. If you've never experienced a camel urinating, repeat this phrase: "Bonjour, comment alez-vous?" That is what a camel urinating sounds like. Dreadful.

2. The Notre Dame Cathedral. The fact that a Frenchman wrote a story about the plight of a deaf and dumb misshapen creature living in the bell tower of one of France's greatest landmark goes to show you what these people (cretins) think of religion. ALSO: The name was taken by an American college who dubbed themselves the "Fighting Irish". Did I mention that I hate Ireland?

3. They are undoubtedly fudge-packers. With their love of chocolate, was this any surprise? They love it almost as much as those horrible Germans, only French chocolate tastes like some type of rubber dropped into a pile of sewage. How do I know what that tastes like, you may ask? I've eaten Turkish food.

4. They are swarthy. With their black and white striped skin-tight shirts and beanie-caps, puffing on cigarettes and prancing around on docks, these people most definitely know every kind of sexual disease first-hand. And they take pride in this (note: the French disease).

5. Their Eiffel Tower is nothing more than a giant penis.

These are the reasons I despise France.

[That is all]