SALUTATIONS

For more of the MEDIOCRE and the MACABRE, subscribe and be AMAZED!

Karnas TickroBlog

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

ON UNITS OF MEASUREMENT

AS YOU KNOW, Reader, I have invented a unit of distance measurement in which the main instrument used is a cigarette. It's quite revolutionary, really. I know.

PREPARE TO BE ASTOUNDED AGAIN.

I have now perfected the Shame Scale [patent pending]!

The Shame Scale is used to determine whether or not something is

a) Horrifically shameful (i.e. The Arizona Cardinals loss in Super Bowl XLIV, your Senior Prom)

or

b) Barely Shameful (i.e. this Blogstation)

HS-----------------------------------0-----------------------------------BS

You will notice that the scale only measures shame, as everything is in some way shameful.

FIRST, you will need to determine whether you are measuring a single person or a group or and entire event.

SECONDLY, is the person, group or event typically like this? If yes, move five units to the BS side. If no, move 5 units to the HS side.

THIRDLY, has this ever happened before? If yes or no, move ten units to the HS side.

The scale is 35 units across and five units are generally given per question.
Most of the events or persons you will measure on this scale will surprisingly end up within 5 units of Horribly Shameful.

This is not an error.

[That is all]

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Look at thirdly.

Jacob Karnas said...

THE PROCEDURE for THIRDLY is not an error.

If yes, you will move ten units to the HS side AND if no, you will move ten units to the HS side.

[That is all]

thekingpin68 said...

Jacob:)

I suppose you are very very sad, as are many of your friends that the Coyotes may move from your wonderful state (which I enjoy visiting).

Don't worry Bettman and friends will block it...unless the courts say otherwise.

satire and theology said...

Hey Jacob,

You may get a kick (not in a rough place) out my latest short audio post on crazy cults.

curtisgarett said...

You do not have a lot of information before reading this article about it, but when you read the whole article was really nice for him.
Filing cabinet