HELLO.
Again, that is. Reader, I have not seen or heard from you in more than a year. Where have you been? What have you been doing while I toil away, day after day writing for YOUR AMUSEMENT?
"Where are the Posts?" you ask? I will tell you.
While you were away, I compiled all the stories, articles, papers and essays together in a compendium for YOU. Since you've decided to return (finally), I've decided to post a new one each week. So you don't miss anything.
HAPPY? I bet you are.
And now...
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ON THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY
You're probably thinking (or screaming into your monitor), "MR.KARNAS, Hoboken, New Jersey is clearly labeled on all standard maps of the United States AND EVEN on many standard maps of New Jersey itself (or herself, as I am sure you are a chauvinist)."
I say to you, "That is true."
I also say to you, however, "Who gives a shit?"
Names are everywhere. Names for people, places and things. Some people even share a name with a place or a thing. Take for instance Dakota Fanning, Tennessee Williams, Dave England, Indiana Jones and even Hannah Montana. Not to mention celebrated Mexican squash player Juan Carlos Djibouti. Have you ever met a 'Hoboken Joe' or a 'Stephen P. McHoboken'?
Neither have I.
Now I'm not saying that just because there aren't any 'Yemen Waleds' out there Yemen doesn't really exist (it really doesn't, though), but WHAT I AM SAYING is that I have presented my first case.
Have you BEEN to Hoboken? If you answered yes or nodded your head, I really hate to disappoint you but that was the West Upper West Side of Manhattan, cut off from the rest of the city by Donald Trump in 1984 when he installed the 'Hudson River' so he could drive his yacht to his secret home in Albany. Sorry to burst your bubble.
The West Upper West Side was the cat's pajamas back in its day. The first baseball game took place at the WUWS Elysian Pavilion between the Knickerbocker Club and the New York Nine (the NY Yankees won that game). Frank Sinatra was born blocks away in a secret government laboratory sanctioned by Woodrow Wilson where the 'Entertainment and Variety Company' for the Department of Future War was being painstakingly manifested from scratch.
SUCH A RICH HISTORY. 'The history of Hobken, New Jersey', as it is known these days.
I must ask you, Reader. If it were some city in New Jersey, do you think ANY OF THAT would have been possible? I confirm your reasoning. You are correct: No. None of that would have happened if it were some awful little city in New Jersey. HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY.
But I assure you: There is no such place as Hoboken, New Jersey.
[That is all.]
