Tuesday, 23 July 2013

THIS JUST IN: The Newborn Prince of Cambridge Has Been Named

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You heard it here first. The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge have issued the name of their newborn son, the Prince of Cambridge, and you won...
Thursday, 18 July 2013

PETA Condemns 'Pacific Rim' For Promoting Anti-Monster Sentiments

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Animal-Rights Group PETA Says del Toro Has Gone "Too Far, Too Deep" The Norfolk, Va-based group People for the Ethical Treatment...
Tuesday, 25 June 2013

On Fisticuffs

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Dear B---------------, Having been a member of Her Majesty's service (as you well know), may it be known that during my travels to the...
Thursday, 7 July 2011

Recovered Picasso A Fake, Leads To Forger's Capture

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SCANDAL As Preschooler Proves To Be Pursued Art Forger Art collectors and museum curators are baffled today as the recovered Picasso dr...

ON THE SUMMER OF '83

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It was in the Summer of 1883 that I signed on to study with the American scientist Ignatius Donnelly. He had chartered a vessel out of Kara...

AHEM~

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GREETINGS. While it is true, Reader, that I have 'slacked off' in the department of updating this BEAUTIFULLY CRAFTED and WILDL...
Monday, 4 July 2011

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY

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And what a truly excellent 4TH OF JULY it is. 235 years ago today, General George Washington and the Continental Army were steps away f...
Tuesday, 21 June 2011

ON THE WORLD (AS A WHOLE)

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Greetings, Reader. You, as I am, are most likely currently residing on the spherical shit-storm known as EARTH. If you are not, please ...
Saturday, 4 June 2011

ON THE IMPOSSIBILITY OF HOBOKEN, NEW JERSEY

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HELLO. Again, that is. Reader, I have not seen or heard from you in more than a year. Where have you been? What have you been doing whil...
Wednesday, 15 April 2009

ON UNITS OF MEASUREMENT

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AS YOU KNOW, Reader, I have invented a unit of distance measurement in which the main instrument used is a cigarette. It's quite revolut...
5 comments:
Thursday, 26 February 2009

Let's Take A Break From The Unordinary

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I would like to skip off the path for a moment to point out that the industry I have for so long desired to be a part of just went COMPLETEL...
5 comments:
Monday, 23 February 2009

A MYTERIOUS NOTE (PART II)

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I apologise to you for my absence, Reader. I do, however, have for you the thrilling conclusion to the letter which I found in a nether-worl...
2 comments:
Tuesday, 30 December 2008

A MYSTERIOUS NOTE

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As you may know, I, Jacob Karnas, have been cataloging stories and other bits of information originally penned by an Englishman which I am c...
5 comments:
Thursday, 25 December 2008

On France

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Let me just say this: I despise France. ALL of it. Almost as much as I despise Ireland. I will detail that later. To great length. As for Fr...
3 comments:
Wednesday, 5 November 2008

ON THE ELECTION

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I AM HAPPY that people are happy. I am also upset that so many people are happy. I look at the election results and view it as the "cha...
5 comments:
Tuesday, 28 October 2008

On Arthur Conan Doyle

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I am not going to say that I was the extreme basis for the character Sherlock Holmes, but I will say this: I was the basis for Sherlock Holm...
1 comment:
Wednesday, 22 October 2008

ON OCTAVE MIRBEAU

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IN 1884, when Octave Mirbeau began writing Le Calvaire, I visited him in his cottage (for he had sent out for a typist as he was badly scarr...
1 comment:
Sunday, 12 October 2008

AN INQUEST (PART II)

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AS A BONUS, dear Readers, here is the sequel to the previous poem. But first, here is the story of why I wrote them: When I was a lieutenant...

AN INQUEST

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IT HAS BEEN BROUGHT to my attention, Readers, that you thirst for CREATIVITY. Here, I bring nothing but the best. However, if I find that an...
Saturday, 11 October 2008

The 100% Always On-Time Always Reliable See You Never Exit

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HERE, for your amusement, Reader... ANOTHER POEM! Along the same lines of the last, this is, I am sorry to say, not ANYWHERE near as happy a...